Broken And Unashamed 2020

 Broken and Unashamed. 

 

It’s been almost two years since I first wrote those words. Two years filled with more growth than I ever thought possible. Two years filled with more trials than I thought I could bear. Two years filled with more tears than I thought I could cry, more mountains and more valleys, but above all, more grace and more faithfulness than I’ve ever deserved. 

 

I’m honestly so shocked and surprised at what God has done in my life in two years. When I first wrote those words, they were a cry against my own heart at the time. An echo in spite of what everything inside me was saying. When I wrote it, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to live, let alone live broken and unashamed. I was hurting, and everything in me wanted to give up and just let myself succumb to what everything inside me was telling me: “You’ll never get better. You’re alone. Your brokenness defines you.” But in spite of all that, God gave me the strength to say, “Yes I am broken, but I will live unashamed.” When everything in me wanted to give up, God never gave up on me. He was faithful as I stumbled back to my feet. And not only was he there every step of the way, but on those especially dark days, when all I wanted was to give in to my old destructive habits, on the days when my brain screamed at me to hurt myself or to just end it all, He carried me through. He picked me up from the depths I had fallen too, and one step at a time, He guided me through. And now, it’s been two years since that day when I tried to take my own life and with every day, with every second I live, I get farther and farther from who I was, and closer to who God is making me. 

 

But even though God was and still is enormously faithful in my life, I still struggle daily. I didn’t suddenly become cured of my depression. No, I still have to fight against it. And that’s what most Christians don’t understand. Yes, God is more than able to take away someone’s struggle with depression; but more than often than not, just like he did with Paul, He allows us to struggle, so that through our weakness His strength is shown (2 Corinthians 12:7-8). So that we, the weak and foolish of the world can confound the strong and the wise and point with broken fingers towards our God, who is more whole than any brokenness, stronger than any weakness, and more faithful than we could ever deserve (1 Corinthians 1:27-29). So no, God didn’t take away my depression, He simply showed me that He is stronger than it. 

 

Now again, that doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle. Even though I know that God is stronger than my depression, there are still days I give in instead of relying on Him. There are still days when I feel myself drifting back into unhealthy habits. There are even still days when I want to hurt myself. My life isn’t and never will be just sunshine and roses. I have to fight every day to not give in to my depression or my anxiety. But now I know that I don’t fight alone. 

 

I am not alone. 

 

You are not alone. 

 

I know firsthand how isolating and lonely depression can feel. The weight, the numbness. I know how it feels to wake up in the morning and not be able to get out of bed because of the constant weight on your soul. I know how it feels to want to do so many things but not be able to, and if anyone asked you why, you wouldn’t be able to give a real answer. So you retreat so far into yourself that you convince yourself that these things are normal, and to you they are. You’ve dealt with these things for so long that this has just become normal life to you. 

 

But that’s never how it was intended to be. 

 

You were never intended to fight alone. 

 

We were and are meant to stand together against this. We are meant to unite against this. We are meant to raise our broken and scarred hands toward a savior whose hands are likewise scarred for us and praise Him as we come around those who are downtrodden. We are meant to live honestly and openly and come together to lift up the weak. We were meant to be broken together and let Christ be whole through and in us. We are meant to build and develop connections with each other and through those connections and through that fellowship encourage and lift each other up and point each other to Christ. 

 

Please stop suffering in silence. 

 

We were never intended to go through life alone. 

 

We may be broken, but it is our choice to live unashamed of our brokenness. 

 

It is our choice to stand with Christ who conquered shame and death through His death and resurrection. 

 

We are meant to be a community that stands together, suffers together and rejoices together. 

 

So weep together, 

 

Rejoice together, 

 

And come together around those who can’t get through it on their own.

 

One of my favorite lines I’ve ever written is, “Our scars are simply stories of hell’s almost and God’s absolute.” Because yes, we may be scarred, we may be broken, we may be bleeding and raw and giving up, but at the end of the day God absolutely still stands triumphantly. At the end of the day the absolute truth of who He is will never change. No matter what, the tomb will forever be empty, and Christ still stands magnified. He died for you, and that truth remains absolute. His love for you remains an absolute truth that nothing can change. No mistake can sway the foundation of the gospel and no scar can shake the rock that redemption is founded on. 

 

So live unashamed of your brokenness and your scars. 

 

“Let depression end here and now, with us. Let’s be the generation to loudly proclaim I’M BROKEN! And keep on living. Not by our own strength, and not hiding. But in God’s strength, and in each others company.

 

Hear the echoes of the brokenness all around you, don’t be afraid.

 

Rise. 

 

Live. 

 

Speak. 

 

Echo the cry of those around you as we all say… 

 

I am broken, and UNASHAMED.” – Echoes of I Am Broken